Ferris Bueller Goes To Band Camp

I have managed to live the majority of my life able to avoid lavish Broadway musicals. They seem to be so far removed from reality. Someone is talking and then all of a sudden they break into song and then everyone else around them breaks out into the same song and then they all dance in unison. It just seems downright silly. In real life I’ve never seen anyone transition seamlessly from talking to singing... except for Dr. Kwoun. I wonder if she dances too?

I can’t count how many times in the past year someone in a music therapy class has mentioned a song and I’ve said, "What song is that?" and they’ve said, "You know it’s that song from ‘Singin' In The Rain’ or ‘West Side Story’ or ‘Sound Of Music’ or ‘Cabaret’ or ‘Mary Poppins’ or ‘Meet Me In St. Louis’ or ‘Chicago’ or ‘Funny Girl’ or ‘Grease’ or ‘Rent’ or ‘Guys And Dolls’ or ‘Moulin Rouge’ or ‘Les Miserables’ or ‘The Phantom Of The Opera’ or ‘Cats’ or ‘Miss Saigon’ or ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ or ‘Fiddler On The Roof’ or … do you get the picture? And then I’ve said, "No, I’ve never seen that." I think I saw ‘The Muppet Movie’ when I was a kid. Does that count? I must have seen it because somehow I know the song "Rainbow Connection". And as a freshman in college I remember watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’, but it was only in an attempt to sync it up with Pink Floyd’s ‘The Dark Side of the Moon.’ (see here) I’m also familiar its most famous song "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" which led me to the conclusion that all musicals must have songs about rainbows and people with rainbow stickers on their car bumpers must be big fans of musicals – which I later discovered to be only somewhat true.

So in an attempt to broaden my music history horizons, I decided to watch an entire musical from start to finish.

I chose ‘My Fair Lady’, starring Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison, the winner of eight Academy Awards in 1964. However, the inherent irony of a man discussing the importance of proper speech in a British accent so thick that I couldn’t understand him gave me a migraine and I had to turn off the movie after about ten minutes.

After a few Tylenol and some quiet time I resorted to plan B, the 2003 version of ‘The Music Man’, starring Matthew Broderick.

I was pleasantly not made physically ill by the first song, which I believe was called "Rock Island". The movie started with a group of travelling salesman having a conversation in a train car stopped at a station. As the train started chug-chug-chugging, the men’s conversation slowly accelerated in time with the sound of the train’s movement. I thought this was a really cool rhythmic effect. I enjoyed the fact that they DID NOT start singing, they talked rhythmically – somewhat like rapping. For the first two minutes of the song the only tonal timbral elements were the train’s whistle, the banging of a pipe against a metal ashtray, and the clinking of drinking glasses. When an orchestra entered the song my interest level immediately dropped. The song did end nicely with the speech decelerating and coming to a stop as the train pulled into the station of River City, Iowa.

Next was "Iowa Stubborn", a song about how people from Iowa are all assholes. I didn’t care for the music, but the lyrics were good.

Next was "Trouble", a song about how the billiard parlor in town just put in a pool table. I really can’t give an intelligent opinion on this song because I spent the entirety of it trying to figure out what the difference was between a pool table and a billiard table.

"Piano Lesson" was a pleasant surprise. The vocal melody was sung in unison with a young girl doing a simple piano exercise. This was another creative way to logically introduce instrumentation into a song. Again, when the orchestra joined, I was disappointed. I guess I’m easily upset by people singing along with an orchestra that isn’t there. I don’t understand. Do only we hear the orchestra or are the characters also supposed to be able to hear the orchestra? It is as puzzling as whether or not Stewie Griffin’s parents can understand him on the Family Guy, which is appropriate because I quickly figured out that Family Guy did a parody of "Piano Lesson":

Well… sorry, that wasn’t it. I couldn’t find it on YouTube, but I swear it exists.

After that song I got distracted and went to microwave some popcorn.

"Seventy-Six Trombones" was unique. The lyrics urged the townspeople to imagine the formation of a huge marching band. The instrumentation was provided by a huge marching band. Although the band didn’t actually exist on the screen, I still thought it was a clever association between the song’s lyrical and timbral elements. When everyone on screen started dancing Disney style, I noticed my toenails were long and decided to clip them.

In "Sincere", four school board members with no previous musical training who walk around town like Mafia henchmen were suddenly transformed into an amazing barbershop quartet. I felt a sharp, sudden pain in my left arm.

"The Sadder-But-Wiser Girl" took place in a tavern and soon after the tune got swinging the bartender moved from behind the bar to the piano in the room and added an additional syncopated ragtime style component to the song.

The next scene moved to a group of women shopping for hats in a hat store so I decided to rest my eyes.

I woke up to the sounds of "Shipoopi". This song was so over-the-top cheeseball, I couldn’t help but laugh. I hope that was the songwriter’s intention. This song was also featured on Family Guy:

After "Shipoopi" I got distracted and started googling Family+Guy+Music+Man and searching for related videos on YouTube. The movie continued to play, but my attention wandered so I couldn’t tell you how it ended.

I am somewhat disappointed that I didn’t achieve my initial goal of watching an entire musical. The DVD isn’t due for a couple days, so maybe I’ll get back to it.

Or maybe not.